CMHC = The Ultimate Evil

This June past, Jane and I bought a house. It's a pretty nice house in our opinion, though being in Toronto and right beside York University, it is more than a little expensive. The experience of contemplating buying a house was the first thing to bring me into real contact with the ultimate evil that is the Canadian Mortgage and Housing Corporation (CMHC). Why is CMHC the ultimate evil? Because they take your money and give you nothing in return. Read on.

First, let's look at how it works: Some guy, we'll call him 'Derek', wants to buy a house. He's just out of university and his cash reserve is... shall we say... low to non-existant. He goes to a bank and says: 'Having gone to university, I've now got a pretty good job that will pay (...let's say...) 100,000/yr. Unfortunately, I don't have much of a downpayment'. The banks says: 'We'd be happy to do that, but we are required by law to take out insurance on that mortgage to protect our investors against the possibility that you might default. This, you see, allows us to lend out money to higher risk people, which the insurance company defines as anyone who can't pony up 25% of the home value. In other words - you'.

Now Derek, who is much smarter than me, thinks to himself: 'OK, that sounds reasonable. I mean that's kindof like our healthcare system after all - people who can afford to pay a little more to help people who are actually 'high risk' to get a mortgage. And obviously it can't be that much, I mean, what is the default rate in this country? Plus, when people default, their house is sold and the bank makes back it's money unless the house has actually lost value, which hasn't happened in the last 15 years. And even then, the highest housing price losses in the last 30 years were only 25% on average, so they're not really ensuring the bank for very much money'. He says to the bank guy: 'Interesting. I have 5% down on a $350,000 house. How much is this insurance?'

Then the bank guy drops the bombshell: 'Let's see... ... that'll be $9,625'.

Now Derek, who again is much smarter than myself, is instantly pissed. Why? After all, ~10,000 on 350,000 doesnt sound all that bad. Only 2.75, in fact. But Derek knows that the value of insurance is the probability that they will have to pay up times the amount that they'll have to pay up. So Derek thinks: 'OK. I'm a fair guy. Let's pretend for a moment that the default rate in Canada is as extraordinarily high as it is in Utah, around 4%. That means that if I defaulted on my mortgage at before paying any of it off and my house lost all of it's value, the fair insurance rate is about $14,000. So far so good. But on top of the very high default rate, there are two thing in the above scenario that are so unlikely as to be virtually impossible: One, I would have to instantly default on the mortgage. And the big one: My house would have to go from being worth $350,000 to $0. So lets take the worst case scenario for that as well - Toronto in the early 1990's depression. Housing value losses were 25% on average. That means I should really take 4% times $87,500, which is $3,500. And that is an absolute worst case scenario.

Now, if you are unimpressed with these back of the envelope calculations, try this article on for size. Pay particular attention to the beginning where the author tells us how much the CMHC took in in 2004 (1.1 billion!) to how much it payed out in claims (51 million!). That means the insurance is worth about 5% of what we pay for it! I'm thinking that I'm going to lay off auto insurance (which is worth about 76% of what we pay for it) for a while and focus all my ire on this scam that I am required to pay into. My MP is going to get a very tersely worded letter. Very terse indeed.

The Best Book Ever

This Tuesday past, Jane and I went over to the 'Royal Leamington Spa' for dinner. It's not quite as posh as it sounds. The 'Royal Leamington Spa' is actually a town just outside of Coventry and it's 'Royal' status is the result of queen Victoria visiting... once... in 1850. Also the dinner was sortof a potluck with some of Jane's office-mates. Our primary hosts were Sam (a very nice fellow who is a bit of a mumbler and, it turns out, the hell of a Thai chef) and his partner Connie. They have recently bought a 'cozy' (by North American standards) house in Leamington (2 bed, one bath, around 1600 sq ft.) for around half a million Canadian dollars. And that is probably a steal of a deal, I kid you not. Also present were Ana, who is originally from Spain, and Alejandro, representing Cuba.
The main meal, which was supplied entirely by our hosts, was Thai. Lamb in a peanutty-milk sauce (only thai cuisine would include peannut-milk sauce), thai bean salad and thai vegetable stir-fry on rice. Yummy. Ana and Jane and I ponied up desert, the former supplying a very tasty custad pudding and the latter a chocolate fondue. I may have overdone it a bit, but I'm thinking the post-meal abdominal pain was totally worth it.
What does all of this have to do with the title of this post? Well, while Connie was giving us a tour of her house, I noticed my favorite book beside their bed. Yes, Connie was reading 'Zen and the Art of Morotorcycle Maintenance' which is the best book ever written. Zen was written by Robert M. Pirsig, who is very, very smart (he says in the book that his I.Q. was measured at about 170 and I believe him). I discovered Zen through, of all things, a role playing game. It was listed in the references section of White Wolf's 'Mage' (which is, incidentally, the best role playing game) Players Handbook as having been an inspiration. I thought the title was funny, soI asked my mom if she had ever heard of it. As it turns out, we had it, so I was saved a trip to the library.
Zen is much too complicated to do justice in a summary, but what the hell. It's basically written on three levels. On the the surface, he's telling the story of a motorcycle trip across the country with his son. On the next level 'down', Pirsig is recalling the man that he used to be. That man, whom he calls Phaedrus (greek for 'lone wolf', apparently), bacame obsessed with the deconstruction of the concept of 'Quality' and went insane. He was given electroshock therapy which erased the old personality and replaced it with the equaly intelligent - but sane - person who is writing the book. On the third level, he explores some of the most basic questions in philosophy (phylosophical metaphysics) and eventually combines these into a working metaphysics which incorporates 'quality' as the judgement that occurs prior to the delinitation of experience into 'subjective' and 'objective'.
Zen inspired me to read Hume and Kant, the great 'experiential' philosophers, and sparked an enduring interest in philosophy. It also lead me to Pirsig's sequel to Zen, which is called Lila. Lila is actually better than Zen, in my opinion, but I still call Zen the 'best book' because it was there that the whole metaphysics of Quality was introduced. Lila extends this metaphysics to give a completely secular guide to morality.
In any case, if you are still reading this, then Zen might be for you. I freely admit that it is one of the most boring books I have ever read (actually another great book, Kant's 'Critique of Pure Reason' get's the prize in that catergory), and it is certainly one of the most difficult, but I am forced to admit that many of the best books I have ever read were also the most boring. Strange that. In fact, the second best book every written is an exception to this rule... but more on that later. You have suffered enough :-)

My Sister's 'Condition'

Some of the more astute among you might have noticed the little link off to the right for Bif'sBirth, which is a 'Diary of growth and development of a fetus named Bif'. Yes, my sister officially in a 'Family way'. She's in a delicate 'Condition'. She's 'fallen' pregnant as they say here in england (rather as you might say that someone has 'fallen' ill). In any case, I recommend checking out Bif'sBirth. It even has a 'developmental ticker' at the top giving exactly Bif's current developmental stage.

In a valiant refusal to allow morning sickness to get in the way of living, my sister (heretofore referred to as 'mom') and her husband (heretofore known as 'dad'), came to visit us a few months ago. We managed, in spite of mom and dad's both feeling under the weather and the need to go to work occasionally, to do some cool stuff.
The coolest of said stuff was no doubt Tintagel castle. Tintagel is located on the south-west coast of England which probably prettiest part of the country. Sandy beaches, relatively warm oceans, cliffs, hills etc. The problem is that everyone knows this and, in the summer everyone goes there. Let me tell you, getting into that part of the country on the weekend that we had to do it (the first weekend that school was officially out) is virtually impossible. Imagine every car in the UK packed onto 1/50th of the UK's land mass. I'm surpised the continental shelf didn't just sink. Anyhow, we did finally make it (about 5hrs later than we would have without the traffic). Here are some pictures of the castle. The one below on the right is a recreation of a 1982 family christmas card picture. Of course the subjects were somewhat smaller then, and I think sister had her eyes open.

Those who know me particularly well will know that the trip to Tintagel would extra significant for me as I was something of an Arthurian Legend fan when I was a kid. This included reading books that were way above my level (Mary Stewart) as well as the (more or less) original tales in a book that was given to me by my grandparents. My favorite, though was a book derived from the Welsh version of the tales, in the Mabinogion, which featured Gwalchmei (Gawain in english). He's the one who fights Lancelot on Arthur's behalf (and looses) after the whole adultery thing.

Places I've been: Paris

Ah, oui! Gay Paris!

It is claimed that Paris is the most romantic city in the world. Well I have been there and I'm going to have to respectfully dissagree. Oh, it's nice enough, and there's lots to do, but there are also alot of greasy looking men with mustaches and baguettes (well, ok, no mustaches these days, but you can tell they want to have mustaches). We stayed in a little hotel that was within walking distance to pretty much everything (that is, if you like walking alot). It was to be a week-end trip which is really in adequate time to see evrything, mostly because you will want to spend a whole day (or possibly the rest of your life) in the L'ouvre. More on that later. The first thing that we 'got out of the way' was the Eiffel tower. This was to be the first of many astronomically high entrance fees. I will say no more on the subject. Anyhoo, we met some kindly americans and they took this picture of us somewhere near the top:

Then it was to the L'ouvre. Which is huge. Being on a week-end trip, we adopted what seemed the only strategy, which was to sortof jog through it (this is the pace that Jane prefers anyway in art museums. I prefer something of a crawl). We saw alot of very nice pieces whizzing by and even stopped for a few. One of these was the Mona Lisa (of course) which is much smaller than you will expect it to be. It's dissapointing, really, until you look at it for a while and get the distinct impression that she knows something you don't.
That evening, I took this picture of L'Arc de Triomphe, which I'm actually quite proud of.

In our determination to see all that Paris was going to offer us, we hopped on the commuter train and went off to Versailles. The scale of versailles is inversely proportional to the probable size of Louis' penis, that is to say it is very large. There are gardens, a fountain full of stone frogs, a hall of mirrors (that I only got to see half of due to construction), a not-so-secret door though which Mary Antoinette escaped (temporarily of course) and lots of sun king artifacts. On returning to the city proper, we visited Notre Dame which was smaller than it looked in the disney movie. Also, there was no lava pouring from the gargoyle spouts. Very dissapointing. As I say, Notre Dame is unimpressive from the front, but it is quite nice from the back. Lots of buttresses. And the rose window is kindof pretty too. I much prefered Sacre Coeur (picture), not only for it's white shinyness, but also for being so very high up. From the Sacre Coeur hill, you get a great view of the city. Plus, behind the church there's a sortof artists enclave (which is now unfortunately overrun with carricature artists).

So that (plus a few other things, like a boat tour) was our Paris experience. If after my glowing review you do plan to go there I have a few suggestions:

1. You want romance? Paris may in fact not be the place for you. On the other hand, maybe I missed something, who knows.
2. Bring 10 billion dollars. You should be able to go up the Eiffeil tower or buy decent meal. Otherwise prepare to survive on a diet of baguettes and orange gina (which would suit Jane fine, actually).
3. Do not try to take a better picture of L'Arc de Triomphe. It just aint going to happen
4. Notre Dame is small and does not spout lava
5. If someone offers your wife a rose in a fancy restaurant, the next thing he will do is ask you to pay 15 euro for it.
6. French waiters have a reputation for snootyness. That reputation is deserved.

Happy trails.

Trip to the Emerald Isle

I know that the last week or so has been filled with a deep sense of longing. But rest assured, I am now back from the wilderness in Ireland and with many a tale to tell. So far I've been trying to 'catch up' with all the trip's we've been on (Paris is officially next), but screw that. Ireland was awsome and I want to blog it while it's still fresh.

Day 1: Dublin to Waterford - Map

We flew into Dublin on Ryanair for 9:00, picked up a car (Toyota Corolla) from Budget and got the hell out of there! We were headed for a small seaside town called Tramore which would be our home base for exploring Waterford. When we hit Carlow (I annoyed Jane for a good hour before this with a series of poor renditions of 'Follow me up to carlow'), we were a bit dissapointed at how similar the place looked to the standard issue english town. Turns out that was because, by Irish standards, Carlow is a hole. We found this out when we got to the much more pleasant - and much more Irish - town of Kilkenny. We stopped long enough to get a tour of Kilkenny castle and be inundated with black and yellow flags which were everywhere. Question: Why the black and yellow flags? Answer: It was the Hurling finals. Never heard of Hurling? Neither had we. But the Irish are heavy into it. Heavy. It's kindof a mix between lacross and field hockey. We left Kilkennt and made our first B and B in Tramore by around 6:30. Tramore touristy place and, since the season was over, pretty much dead. But we found a good pub and I had my first (and only) half-pint of genuine Irish Guiness.



Day 2: Waterford to Cork - Map

We spent the day in Waterford. Being much too cheap to park in a pay-and-display lot, we parked in a DIY superstore a short distance out of town. The coolest thing we did there was a walking tour. It's a prety small place, so you can cover the major sights in an hour. Waterford is very proud of the fact that it is the oldest city in Ireland having been founded by some rebel vikings in about 600 A.D. It was also the most important city for a short time. Dublin overtook it when those pesky Normans showed up. We also saw the Waterford treasures museum and the Waterford crystal factory. The museum had a whole exhibit dedicated to Newfoundland, since it is the primary port from which seasonal fishers left Ireland for the Canadian east coast. The crystal factory was a bit of a letdown - more of a sales pitch than a tour, really. At the end of the day, we headed for the seaside town of Kinsale, which is very close to Cork.


Day 3: Cork to Killarney - Map (sorry the route finder isn't working with Killarney)

Cork is Ireland's second biggest city built on selling... well... butter. We got there and thought we would get to know the city by just 'walking around'. After an hour or so of 'walking around' and getting a bit frustrated, we got on the 'hop on/off' bus tour. Which turned out not to be such a bad idea. Still, though, Cork wasn't really all that interesting - basically a market town with no starbucks. The 'highlights' of the tour were: The butter museum, a womens jail, a (small) university that specialized in hurling, a couple of churches and a statue of the guy who led the temperance movement (which was... lets say... something of a failure in Ireland). Outside Cork is the famous Blarney castle. There's a stone (a.k.a tourist trap) that you can kiss to make you a silver tongued devil. Fortunately, I need no help with my tongue. Anyhoo, it's a nice castle and there are towers and caves and stuff.


Days 4 and 5: Killarney

As we bid a (not so) fond adieu to Cork, and proceeded to Killarney, the landscape started to get more mountainous and, well, prettier. Our B and B was a farmhouse nestled between some mountains and next to Lough Leane (Killarney lake). Given the scenery, we were glad to be spending two days there. Killarney has alot in common with Banff. It's about the same size and it's composed mostly of tourists. On our first night there we went to a Killarney pub after dinner and got our first taste of authentic irish folk tunes. The next day, we spent the morning in Killarney seeing what there was to see there (basically a really nice cathdral and a castle) and then headed for the ring of Kerry (Map). We drove around clockwise to Cahersiveen (which is at the westernmost tip) and went on a hike. The first part of the drive was very scenic with fun, twisty (i.e. scary for Jane) roads. The hike was meant to be an easy one, about 8 km round trip, mostly coastal, with a bit of a climb near the end. It was a really pretty hike, until the fog settled in. Then you couldn't really see anything. But it was still pretty. About 1/3rd of the way through a dog appeared and started 'leading' us around the trail. He stayed with us till we got back to the car, and then basically dissapeared. He definitely knew the way and may have prevented a wrong turn or two. Spooky. After recovering for a few minutes, we headed out and completed the ring (the north half of which is much less scenic, but still nice in places).


Day 6: Killarney to Limerick - Map

This day we were more than a little rushed. Thats because we started off by doing a hike in the "Gap of Dunloe". If you are not moved by the natural beauty that is the Gap of Dunloe then you are dead inside. Dead I say! This was about 10 km of walking, which we did as quickly as possible (which appreciating the scenery). We then kicked off to the dingle peninsula, eventually making it all the way to Dingle, which is a fishing village that tourists go to mostly to swim with Dolphins. We didn't do that. Instead we walked around a bit and then fulfilled a lifelong dream: We ate a deep-fried Mars bar. After that it was to our B and B in Bunratty (near Limerick) as quick as we could go (which wasn't all that quick - remember, we're driving a Corolla).


Day 7: Limerick to Gallway - Map

We expected Limerick to be pretty much like Cork and besides, we didn't have the time, so we skipped it. All I saw of limerick were some dirty old warehouses at the north end. We stayed in Bunratty, which is a little 'town' close toLimerick. I say 'town' because it's actually a group of buildings centered on a castle that are designed by some corperation to be a tourist attraction. The castle has been restored and there's a 'folk village' with a whole bunch of 19th century recreated houses behind it. I normally don't like these sort of things, but at least they had managed to retain a small amount of class and authenticity here. It was ok. But then I had jut left the ring of Kerry and was now unimpressed with the works of man. Then we hit a small town called Corofin to see if we could find out anything about Jane's family history. We visited a little museum that was in a church. We did learn a bit. Then we had to get on to Galway because we the car needed to be back in Dublin by noon the next day. Galway (what we saw of it) was very nice. We stayed in a touristy B and B are sortof outside the city. But here's the rub: They were Jahova's witnesses! Very clever! Why knock on people's doors when you can bring them to you? Fortunately we managed to avoid being preached to for the most part. The big thing we did in Galway was to go to a traditional irish music crossroads. What these guys do is hold auditions around Ireland for the best young musians in the country (you can tell by their resumes) and throw 7 of them (each capable of playing at least three instruments) on stage. They were fantastic. Imagine your favorite part of 'Home for a Rest' only longer and better. Plus one of the girls was a damn fine Irish singer. One of the guys was some kind of folk violin prodigy having been taught by his neighbour in Australia from when he was 3. Anyhoo, I'll rip a song and pas it along to whomever wants it...


Days 8 and 9: Dublin - Map

The resident population of Dublin is 1.2 million. I'm thinking there had to be at least 400K of tourists on top of that. And we're not talking about the high season either. We stayed in a B and B that was in a city-village called Raheny which doesn't appear on the map, but it's basically on the Howth Road immediately north of St. Anne's Park. We used the bus to get there, buying a 'rambler pass' which gave us unlimited bus for three days. The B and B had a nice view of a tidal beach (though not from our room). When arrived (end of day 7) we just took a walk along the beach where we could watch the ferries come in. Next day we spent in town. There's really only a days worth of stuff to see, but it's a full day. First thing we did was a walking tour/lecture that was led by a Ph.D. history student from the main (historically protestant) university in Dublin, Trinity College. She knew her stuff. Next we went to the National museum, which was free and had a really great collection of Celtic artifacts. It also featured a 'bog men' exhibit with four very well preserved specimens on display. I was on our way to the museum that we made our most important discovery, which is pictured on the right. Yes, Dublin has a Tim Hortons (no coffe, mind, just donuts). By the time we left the museum, we barely had time to peek inside the national art gallery (also free, but quite a small collection of Irish art, mostly english and italian). Other sites of interest included Christ's church cathedral (one of two protestant cathedrals in the city), St. Patrick's Cathedral (the other one, and the pretier of the two in my opinion) and a statue of Oscar Wilde. We missed (without much regret) the Guinness and Jameson Whisky factories. We returned to the B and B tired, but feeling that we had done Dublin justice. The next day we visited Howth island (Map, not really an island, pictured from our B and B on the left), which is sortof the Mount Royal of Dublin. Dublin has the highest priced housing market I've ever seen. We saw listings for relatively small (2300 sq. ft.) townhouses going for 1.5M euro! So I can imagine what a house on the cliffs of Howth island would cost. Anyhow, it was our last scenic experience and we made it last. We walked all the way around the island and then along the water back to our B and B. That would be somewhere around 15k. Then we headed for the airport, feeling tired and satisfied with our ireland experience.