Places I've been: Paris

Ah, oui! Gay Paris!

It is claimed that Paris is the most romantic city in the world. Well I have been there and I'm going to have to respectfully dissagree. Oh, it's nice enough, and there's lots to do, but there are also alot of greasy looking men with mustaches and baguettes (well, ok, no mustaches these days, but you can tell they want to have mustaches). We stayed in a little hotel that was within walking distance to pretty much everything (that is, if you like walking alot). It was to be a week-end trip which is really in adequate time to see evrything, mostly because you will want to spend a whole day (or possibly the rest of your life) in the L'ouvre. More on that later. The first thing that we 'got out of the way' was the Eiffel tower. This was to be the first of many astronomically high entrance fees. I will say no more on the subject. Anyhoo, we met some kindly americans and they took this picture of us somewhere near the top:

Then it was to the L'ouvre. Which is huge. Being on a week-end trip, we adopted what seemed the only strategy, which was to sortof jog through it (this is the pace that Jane prefers anyway in art museums. I prefer something of a crawl). We saw alot of very nice pieces whizzing by and even stopped for a few. One of these was the Mona Lisa (of course) which is much smaller than you will expect it to be. It's dissapointing, really, until you look at it for a while and get the distinct impression that she knows something you don't.
That evening, I took this picture of L'Arc de Triomphe, which I'm actually quite proud of.

In our determination to see all that Paris was going to offer us, we hopped on the commuter train and went off to Versailles. The scale of versailles is inversely proportional to the probable size of Louis' penis, that is to say it is very large. There are gardens, a fountain full of stone frogs, a hall of mirrors (that I only got to see half of due to construction), a not-so-secret door though which Mary Antoinette escaped (temporarily of course) and lots of sun king artifacts. On returning to the city proper, we visited Notre Dame which was smaller than it looked in the disney movie. Also, there was no lava pouring from the gargoyle spouts. Very dissapointing. As I say, Notre Dame is unimpressive from the front, but it is quite nice from the back. Lots of buttresses. And the rose window is kindof pretty too. I much prefered Sacre Coeur (picture), not only for it's white shinyness, but also for being so very high up. From the Sacre Coeur hill, you get a great view of the city. Plus, behind the church there's a sortof artists enclave (which is now unfortunately overrun with carricature artists).

So that (plus a few other things, like a boat tour) was our Paris experience. If after my glowing review you do plan to go there I have a few suggestions:

1. You want romance? Paris may in fact not be the place for you. On the other hand, maybe I missed something, who knows.
2. Bring 10 billion dollars. You should be able to go up the Eiffeil tower or buy decent meal. Otherwise prepare to survive on a diet of baguettes and orange gina (which would suit Jane fine, actually).
3. Do not try to take a better picture of L'Arc de Triomphe. It just aint going to happen
4. Notre Dame is small and does not spout lava
5. If someone offers your wife a rose in a fancy restaurant, the next thing he will do is ask you to pay 15 euro for it.
6. French waiters have a reputation for snootyness. That reputation is deserved.

Happy trails.