A Heartbreaking Tale of Woe (about my car)
Actually, it's not that bad, but this morning, there was a comedy of errors that arose from my unmanly ineptitude with cars. Our story begins at pearson airport (many days before it should).
Jan 8th, 10:45 pm (EST): My plane leaves the tarmac, and, contrary to my expectations, does not plummet from the sky during takeoff (or anytime thereafter). This is exactly 1 hr 45 min later than we were supposed to leave, however, we are assured our flight will be greatly shortened by a very strong tail wind, which is one of the reasons that we are late in leaving (a strong tail wind on the way back is a strong head wind on the way over). The other reason is that there was some damage to one of the doors. Can't say I was too happy to hear about that, but my main concern remained with the engines. In any case I could expect to be well anesthetized by their new entertainment system, which featured full on video on demand!
Jan 9th, ~6:00 am (GMT): We hit some turbulence. This marks the first time that I have almost had need of a 'special bag'. Am disappointed to note the lack of said bag in my seat pocket. I should point out that turbulence scares me not a bit. My concerns are limited to engine and/or flap failure and/or anything else that could theoretically cause the plane to take a nosedive.
Jan 9th, 9:30 am (GMT): We land. There is some bumpiness. Scratch that. There is alot of bumpiness. Am again disturbed at lack of available bag.
Jan 9th, 12:30 pm (GMT): Am finally free of Heathrow. Relatively quick trip through customs (only 5 switchbacks!) helps me not a bit as baggage handlers loose all bags from a flight to chicago and spend next 1.5 hrs trying to fix that instead of loading bags form newly arriving planes. Have been up for 23 hrs. No hallucinations as yet - they usually come around 30-35 hrs for me.
Jan 9th, 4:30 pm (GMT): Arrive home after relatively smooth tube/train trip to Northampton. Riding on my second wind (i.e. jetlag) I do not go to sleep.
Jan 10th, all day: Sleep. Restock house somewhat from Sainsburys. Sleep. Wake up at 2 am (GMT). Go to bed. Sleep.
Jan 11th, 7:15 am: Not happy about waking up at what my body thinks is 2 am. Stumble to car. Electric lock don't work. Battery is basically dead.
Jan 11th, 9:00 am: Go to Halfords (Canadian Tire-like), buy car battery recharging apparatus.
Jan 11th, 9:30 am: Discover that purchased apparatus does not have it's own battery and is not particularly suitable for sealed 'maintenance free' batteries like the one in my car. Decide to try anyways, despite risk of explosion, but need to get an extension cord.
Jan 11th, 10:00 am: Return from second trip to Halfords. Read instructions (out of character, but I prefer not to be electrocuted if possible).
Jan 11th, 10:15 am: Plug everything in in correct order. Seems to be working.
Jan 11th, 10:18 am: IT STARTS TO RAIN. Continuing charging procedure would be contrary to goals of not being electrocuted and car not exploding. Pretty much give up on going to work.
Since then: It has stopped raining and the car is being charged. It almost turned over last time with 15min so, I'll give it about an hour, then try it...
Good times.
More to come on Christmas etc. I'm going to wait till Jane gets home so that there will be some pictures...
Jan 8th, 10:45 pm (EST): My plane leaves the tarmac, and, contrary to my expectations, does not plummet from the sky during takeoff (or anytime thereafter). This is exactly 1 hr 45 min later than we were supposed to leave, however, we are assured our flight will be greatly shortened by a very strong tail wind, which is one of the reasons that we are late in leaving (a strong tail wind on the way back is a strong head wind on the way over). The other reason is that there was some damage to one of the doors. Can't say I was too happy to hear about that, but my main concern remained with the engines. In any case I could expect to be well anesthetized by their new entertainment system, which featured full on video on demand!
Jan 9th, ~6:00 am (GMT): We hit some turbulence. This marks the first time that I have almost had need of a 'special bag'. Am disappointed to note the lack of said bag in my seat pocket. I should point out that turbulence scares me not a bit. My concerns are limited to engine and/or flap failure and/or anything else that could theoretically cause the plane to take a nosedive.
Jan 9th, 9:30 am (GMT): We land. There is some bumpiness. Scratch that. There is alot of bumpiness. Am again disturbed at lack of available bag.
Jan 9th, 12:30 pm (GMT): Am finally free of Heathrow. Relatively quick trip through customs (only 5 switchbacks!) helps me not a bit as baggage handlers loose all bags from a flight to chicago and spend next 1.5 hrs trying to fix that instead of loading bags form newly arriving planes. Have been up for 23 hrs. No hallucinations as yet - they usually come around 30-35 hrs for me.
Jan 9th, 4:30 pm (GMT): Arrive home after relatively smooth tube/train trip to Northampton. Riding on my second wind (i.e. jetlag) I do not go to sleep.
Jan 10th, all day: Sleep. Restock house somewhat from Sainsburys. Sleep. Wake up at 2 am (GMT). Go to bed. Sleep.
Jan 11th, 7:15 am: Not happy about waking up at what my body thinks is 2 am. Stumble to car. Electric lock don't work. Battery is basically dead.
Jan 11th, 9:00 am: Go to Halfords (Canadian Tire-like), buy car battery recharging apparatus.
Jan 11th, 9:30 am: Discover that purchased apparatus does not have it's own battery and is not particularly suitable for sealed 'maintenance free' batteries like the one in my car. Decide to try anyways, despite risk of explosion, but need to get an extension cord.
Jan 11th, 10:00 am: Return from second trip to Halfords. Read instructions (out of character, but I prefer not to be electrocuted if possible).
Jan 11th, 10:15 am: Plug everything in in correct order. Seems to be working.
Jan 11th, 10:18 am: IT STARTS TO RAIN. Continuing charging procedure would be contrary to goals of not being electrocuted and car not exploding. Pretty much give up on going to work.
Since then: It has stopped raining and the car is being charged. It almost turned over last time with 15min so, I'll give it about an hour, then try it...
Good times.
More to come on Christmas etc. I'm going to wait till Jane gets home so that there will be some pictures...
posted by Derek at 6:11 AM
4 Comments:
I would suggest that this story be submitted as a script for a tv episode of some sort... except that, in a disturbing yet highly hilarious way, it reminds me of a dead-battery episode we experienced on our wedding day. Must run in the family.
I think I bought that battery. If anyone thinks changing a battery in a 95 Vauxhall Cavalier with only a keychain multi-tool is easy, I'd advise them to guess again...good times.
electronic locks, is there no manual override for just such and occation and if you could not unlock the car how did you get to the battery?
Well, the electronic locks just open all the doors when you turn the key. If the battery is dead, it still works like a normal mechanical lock (opening only the lock that you put the key in).
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