Derek's Guide to Maximization of the Buffet Experience. And Survival...
Well, after waiting for months, Jane and I finally did it. And it was indescribably good. Transcendental, you might say. More on that in a moment...
The Red Hot Buffet just recently opened in place of what used to be our favorite restaurant here, the Magic Tower. This is in keeping with what we have come to call 'the curse'. That is, any restaurant that we describe as 'our favorite' closes within a few months. We first noticed 'the curse' in London with the closure of the best source of chili fries in southwest Ontario, the Five and Diner. Then it was my favorite Thai place, 'Satay on the Road' (well, ok, it isn't closed, but it's new management changed the Pad Thai recipe and so it's closed as far as I'm concerned). And now the Magic Tower, at which two plates of greasy bar food could be had for the price of one.
Eventually, though, we decided that we had mourned long enough and decided to give the new place a try. The Red Hot Buffet is a sortof eastern oriented place with food from india, asia (particularly thai, but also chinese) and... Italy. Ecclectic. In any case, it's a buffet and, after years of honing my expertise, I thought I would take the opportunity to pass on few vital tips.
1) And this is important: Eat as quickly as possible. The faster your food intake is compared to your rising blood sugar, the more you can eat before the sick feeling starts.
2) Make sure that food is chewed to the least possible extent before swallowing. Provided that you don't choke, this will minimize the amount of food that your body actually digests and consequently the amount of weight you put on.
3) Start and end with the meat.
4) In between, do have something with fiber (I suggest snow peas). This will save you some trouble down the road.
5) Do not eat the salad. This is a waste of stomach capacity that is better reserved for meat products.
6) Do not drink pop. This expands your stomach with useless CO2 gas, again, reducing precious stomach capacity. Instead, have water with lemon.The water will flush your stomach through and the lemon will help emulsify the fat.
7) It's time for dessert when you feel slightly uncomfortably full. If this is after anything less than three plates you are not a man.
8) When eating dessert, use the 'reverse glycemic index technique'. This means that you start with the natural sugars (i.e. fruit) to medium refinement (i.e. cakes, fruit covered in chocolate) to totally refined, concentrated sugar (i.e. candy floss, syrup, supersweet chocolate etc.). This ensures that all of the sugars hit your blood at the same time, which, if it doesn't kill you, will give you the hell of a rush.
9) For the next 8 hours or so, it is important to avoid all physical activity. This will allow your digetive system to work through the 'input' with maximum efficiency.
Happy buffet...ing.
The Red Hot Buffet just recently opened in place of what used to be our favorite restaurant here, the Magic Tower. This is in keeping with what we have come to call 'the curse'. That is, any restaurant that we describe as 'our favorite' closes within a few months. We first noticed 'the curse' in London with the closure of the best source of chili fries in southwest Ontario, the Five and Diner. Then it was my favorite Thai place, 'Satay on the Road' (well, ok, it isn't closed, but it's new management changed the Pad Thai recipe and so it's closed as far as I'm concerned). And now the Magic Tower, at which two plates of greasy bar food could be had for the price of one.
Eventually, though, we decided that we had mourned long enough and decided to give the new place a try. The Red Hot Buffet is a sortof eastern oriented place with food from india, asia (particularly thai, but also chinese) and... Italy. Ecclectic. In any case, it's a buffet and, after years of honing my expertise, I thought I would take the opportunity to pass on few vital tips.
1) And this is important: Eat as quickly as possible. The faster your food intake is compared to your rising blood sugar, the more you can eat before the sick feeling starts.
2) Make sure that food is chewed to the least possible extent before swallowing. Provided that you don't choke, this will minimize the amount of food that your body actually digests and consequently the amount of weight you put on.
3) Start and end with the meat.
4) In between, do have something with fiber (I suggest snow peas). This will save you some trouble down the road.
5) Do not eat the salad. This is a waste of stomach capacity that is better reserved for meat products.
6) Do not drink pop. This expands your stomach with useless CO2 gas, again, reducing precious stomach capacity. Instead, have water with lemon.The water will flush your stomach through and the lemon will help emulsify the fat.
7) It's time for dessert when you feel slightly uncomfortably full. If this is after anything less than three plates you are not a man.
8) When eating dessert, use the 'reverse glycemic index technique'. This means that you start with the natural sugars (i.e. fruit) to medium refinement (i.e. cakes, fruit covered in chocolate) to totally refined, concentrated sugar (i.e. candy floss, syrup, supersweet chocolate etc.). This ensures that all of the sugars hit your blood at the same time, which, if it doesn't kill you, will give you the hell of a rush.
9) For the next 8 hours or so, it is important to avoid all physical activity. This will allow your digetive system to work through the 'input' with maximum efficiency.
Happy buffet...ing.
posted by Derek at 6:19 AM
6 Comments:
A "chip" off the old block -- want to get the most of your money and like to eat a lot. Don't let a proprietor of an all-you-can-eat place get hold of your recommendations.
As you can imagine, with the spead that I eat, Derek hates going to buffets with me. The funny things is though... is that I still eat prety close to what he does... So my advice is eat slowly, chew well and enjoy every taste of your food!
I have recently discovered the secret to a good buffet eating.
Pineapple
Eat several rings of pinapple between each plate. It the acid, it really hlps you pack away more and feel less sick after. Well actually grapefruit is the best but it's usualy not avalible.
ugh! *groan* the thought of a buffet makes me feel sick.... Are your rules meant to be universally applicable? or are they mainly for those people who always eat everything on their plate?
Just curious..... but then that doesn't matter cuz.... I don't DO buffets :-P . Which means more food for you!
Dear Anonymous,
These rules are indeed universal. They apply to buffets worldwide whether you finish your plates or not. Next time I see you, anonymous, I am going to have to force you to go to a buffet.
Resistance is futile.
Buf-fet. The two greatest words in the English language. And these words of wisdom left by one of its greatest practitioners.
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